In Remembrance of...

A BEGINNING NOTE

Since these blog posts will be turned into at least one book, I decided to start Kara's story like a book. Here are the first couple of pages:

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Working Title of Blog Post Series and Book:

"Moments with Kara: What a feral cancer cat taught me about faith and life"

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DEDICATION

Kara, our Baby Girl and Little Bit, you will never be forgotten, our faithful and loyal friend and companion. Your strength and love will inspire us to live better lives and be better people as we wait to see you again in eternity. You never let even their cancer hold you back or get you down and allowed love to help you be steadfast. 

What an inspiration you were and are. Your resiliency was absolutely remarkable.

Snuggle up to the Lord for us.

ONCE UPON A TIME

There once was a cat. Her name was Kara.

This is the story of a merging of lives and this is the tale of our journey together.

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A LED MEMORIAL CANDLE SHINES 

I am a writer of nonfiction and fiction and am a journal keeper. Therefore, I have an office in one of the bedrooms of our home. It's devoted to writing and reading and has no bed in it, unless you count our bald faced eagle's sighed, where he is now, sleeping away. This is where I sit now and I have a round pedestal table, which I use as a desk. On this desk sits a LED tealight candle in remembrance of Kara Duplease.

It is a flameless LED candle since I cannot have regular candles because our other cat, Sinan (pronounced see-nawn), a crazy and woolly Maine Coon who caught his tail on fire once when he jumped on my desk to get in the way of my writing. He was and is just fine. I will share the story another time, but this is why I don't use a real candle to stand as a memorial of our Baby Girl.

Every time I write at my desk, or at the sofa downstairs, I make sure to light it and remember our feral cancer cat who thoroughly stole our hearts. It is the least I can do. 

OUR BABY GIRL

It has been sixteen days since my husband and I made the choice to have Kara put to sleep. 

Pardon me as I pause for a moment and try to recollect myself as just writing that sentence has stirred up several emotions, never mind memories. 

Here it is Fall, and my favorite time of year, I am reminded as I look out my window and see the yellow, orange, and red leaves of trees in the distance. And that flashes an image in my mind of when Kara found us, how it was Fall and I have a couple of pictures of the feral cat with colorful Fall leaves beside her. She made Fall my favorite season all the more because it brought her into our lives. 

It was just over a year ago.

Kara stepped into our open garage, and into the lives of my husband and me, in the Fall. And, she stepped out of our physical lives just one year, six days later, and she has so thoroughly changed us that her story must be told. It must be remembered and shared. 

Oh, what a year!

When Kara stepped into our garage and into our lives, it was after my husband and I found out we were both infertile, after we tried two rounds of IVF, and tried to adopt... and we had just made the decision to not have children. 

We thought she was a feral kitten with how small and malnourished she was, only to find out by our veterinarian how she was a senior on one visit, and only to find out on another she had both breast and lung cancer. Therefore, we decided to spoil her rotten and love on her as long as we could, in a way we knew she had never been loved. 

Those last two paragraphs were a teaser as to the rest of this blog and book. I hope you now understand more of the context in which she came into our lives. And, I hope you see when we call her our Baby Girl, she was just that. She was probably the closest thing we will ever have to one and we loved her with our whole being and spent great resources (time and money) as we tried to give her at least some time of the life she deserved. She sure hadn't deserved being beaten and abandoned (I will write more on that, too). 

Kara never knew before us the kind of love we gave her and we didn't know the kind of love she gave us.

Yes, Baby Girl... This Blog and book are in remembrance of you.

An Introduction to This Blog

Hello. Thank you for stopping by and taking a peek at this blog.

This blog is my personal journaling, which I will turn into a book in time. It is about remembering a double cancer feral cat who adopted my husband and I on September 20, 2014 and she was put to sleep on September 26, 2015. She found us, adopted us, and thoroughly changed our lives.

Are you an animal lover?

Do you own a pet or have you ever owned a pet?

Have you ever had a rescue and/or a feral cat?

Have you ever had a sick pet?

Have you ever had a terminally ill and provided palliative care for a pet?

Have you ever had a pet with cancer?

Have you ever had a pet go Home?

Do you like to read inspirational stories?

Do you want to live the best life possible?

Do you want to learn how to count your blessings?

Do you want to journal about your pet so you can remember all the memories of them?

Do you want to write a memoir about your pet?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this blog is for you.

Welcome to: "Moments with Kara: What a feral cancer cat taught me about faith and life." It's a memoir and inspirational story about a rescue, pet loss, and unconditional love.

A Tough Weekend

This weekend was another tough weekend. My husband had a three day weekend, which was simply delightful in that regard. However, it was a tough one.
We sailed along mostly smooth sails, with a few moments of waves last week. Then, this weekend we were caught in a storm of grief and bounced around all over the place and we both thought we would drown at times. But, we tried to remember our ultimate LifeSaver, the One who is in control of the storms and who creates the storms.
Grief is a strange thing. You just never know when the waves of grief might hit or if they become so strong the waves produce a storm.
How long is grief supposed to last?
My husband and I both have counseling backgrounds and know grief and loss and how to walk people through it, let me add. Therefore, you have context for these next statements:
We have learned through experience how time does not heal all wounds. This is a lie and don't let anyone tell you differently. {We have told folks this in counseling and then we quickly add...} But, time is a great teacher and it teaches us how to live life with the pain and how to make the pain a companion and not an enemy.
We have also counseled people to do their proper grief work and wallow in it as much as possible for three days or so and then start to slowly pick up the pieces.
However, we add, there will be times... Times that you don't see coming... Times that might make sense whatsoever, triggered by what you may perceive as silly at the time... Times that you have to start all over with your grief work. It happens. Don't try to make sense of it. You can't. Just know that this is normal. Just wallow in it for a couple of days, then pick yourself back up and try to gather the pieces again.
And, through it all, remember the most important thing of all: To count your blessings every moment. That's the secret to not allowing the grief to carry you away. That's the secret to slow life in this normally fast paced world. While grieving it's even more important so it keeps your feet firmly planted on earth and keeps you in the now and helps you live intentionally and with purpose so you can turn your grief into something to work for you and against you. For, in your grief, you will count far more blessings because beauty sure stands out in times of grey or black or navy blue.
Huh. All of that makes perfect sense. It shows great wisdom of life experience and our backgrounds. Implementing it is a little more of a challenge.

Small Cat, Huge Hole

Kara went Home fifteen days ago.
I still miss her terribly and my heart still aches for her. I'm not sure if this will ever stop. She was our earthbound angel. Our Little Love.
How can someone so small leave such a huge hole in a heart?

Time and Space Needed

I hadn't realized how desperately I need died a little time and space from this story, but I did. It was too close and painful. Space and time were needed.
I tried to turn her story into a fantasy series, but that quickly backfired and now I think I am ready to commit to writing Kara's story and Moments with Kara... her story with us and our story with her. I will commit to writing at least 12,000 words per week between now and the end of November, then 7,000 words per week. I will take part in NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month or NaNo}, but will write nonfiction instead and an inspirational animal lover's memoir. Needless to say, I hope to write around 71,000 words at least between now and the end of December.
I needed time and space to heal so I could do her story justice and not fall apart. Kara deserves no less.

Sinan's Morning on October 01, 2015

Every morning, I would get out of bed and head to the restroom. Kara followed me in most mornings and when she did, she would let me pet her for a few seconds and then she would head to the shower and lie there and watch me as I brushed my teeth. Her nose would go into the air when I took my multivitamins. They are fruit smelling gummies and Kara just loved the smell.
When I left the restroom, she followed me and would get back on our bed to watch me grab my cell and tablet, which were on the nightstand, and we would then spend a few minutes where I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head and I would pet her as she purred only like Kara could purr. Being deaf meant she purred quite loud and it just touched us. It grabbed our heart every time.
Well... This morning, our other cat, Sinan, followed in her paws and he followed me into the bathroom, let me pet him, and he went into the shower. And he lied there! Granted, it was after he looked at me as if to ask, "Is this okay?" Of course I told him to go ahead and that it was perfectly okay.
He had never done that.
What a combination of heart touching and heart breaking.
I am still not sure how I kept myself together and didn't start sobbing right then and there.
I quickly opened the bathroom door and told Bob to look and see as Sinan remained there in the shower, with his nose in the air as he smelled for Little Bit.
How precious.

Kara's Last Day on 09/26/2015

On Saturday, September 26, 2015, my husband and I woke and went to breakfast at The Egg and I. I had an omelette with avacado, grilled chicken, swiss cheese, and diced tomatoes. Then, we went to the Farmer's Market (where I tried and bought my first Asian Pear--eight of them actually along with five peaches, coffee, kettle corn, banana bread, pumpkin bread, multigrain bread, and kettle corn). From there, we headed to the house to finish working on the roof of the shed. We had to finish putting up shingles.
At one point, we went inside for a break and went upstairs to check on Kara and say hi. She had labored breathing and wheezed. It was different than what she did since Tuesday. Her wheezing and labored breathing would calm whenever I let her and prayed over her. It just wasn't that easy on Saturday.
So, we called our veterinarian, Dr. G. out in Broomfield, Colorado (a suburb of Denver and an hour and a half from where we live) to see if we should bring Kara in and Dr. G. wasn't in the office. They asked if we wanted her to be called and we said yes.
We waited.
Nothing.
I called the office and they were closed!
So, I sent her an email just in case and we called the urgent care near our home in Cheyenne... We gave them her symptoms and they said to go in to the vet on Monday. We already set up an appointment Monday for Kara to be seen for blood work to see if her thyroid medicine was working, so we were not about to see that vet. Kara was in distress and they wanted her to wait two and a half days to be seen. We will never use that vet. Never, ever.
How did they know it wasn't an emergency and that she wasn't suffering?
Kara was doing better, so we hoped Dr. G. would still call or that Kara could wait until Monday.
So, we went back to work on the shed. We got more shingles put up when the phone rang. I rushed down the ladder to my cell and it was Dr. G. She apologized for not being available. She had eye surgery that day! So, she asked us what was going on and I told her how Kara had labored breathing, wheeled off and on, wasn't eating very well, and hadn't had a bowel movement for a few days. She told me her breath was a concern and asked if we tried an urgent care in Cheyenne and we told her what happened. She was shocked and said that with Kara's breathing issues, Kara needed to be seen right away and asked how far we lived from CSU. I said an hour or so. She told me to call them and go.
So, as I did that, Bob put our stuff away outside and started preparing the car for Kara... litter box, her throw blanket off our bed for the seat, and her carrier. I grabbed her and her bed, held her like a taco in her bed and carried her to the car, which hubby was in and was waiting. I was quite thankful she didn't get upset when I picked her up, as she had the tendency to do.
I sat in back with her. Her litter box was behind Bob, she and her bed were in the middle of our backseat, and I sat to the right and pet her.
We hadn't had time to give her the anti-nausea medicine, so the poor thing jumped up and she headed a couple of steps to her box and started heaving. She hadn't had much to eat, so it was mainly foamy bile at her mouth I was able to brush off with a white towel I brought with us for such a situation.
WRITE MORE

Moments with Kara: Memories of Our Time with Kara to Write About and Share

Her sweet smell.
How she liked my scents.
Her soft, silky rootbeer colored fur, which looked black and white if not in direct sunlight.
How when she yawned she folded her ears down flat.
How she mewed and didn't meow.
No kitty belly. Concave. At first. Then, she developed a kitty belly while we stayed at dad's.
Having a kitty belly.
Walrus whiskers.
Kitten or cat? Or older.

Three Change on a Dime Moments

Why share the stories of "Moments with Kara?"
She gave us three distinct change on a dime moments where life as we knew it ceased to exist. Our lives were forever changed because of these moments.
1 On September 20, 2014 when she found us.
2 When we found out she had cancer... two types...
3 When we had her put to sleep on September 26, 2015.
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Questions

Are there enough stories for a book of moments with Kara? Are they interesting enough anyone would want to read it? And are the lessons learned about life and faith applicable to more than just my simple life?

Books about the Grief and Loss of a Pet

I am a reader. I try to always have at least book I'm reading; however, it's usually several. I also like to have an idea as to what books to read for different topics, moods, experiences, answers, escapism, etc. A book is usually the cure for any and every problem, ailment, or challenge. (A book is also something meant to bring beauty into our lives--if it is well written.) Hence, if I am dealing with a problem or am curious about a topic, I always go to a book to start to find the answers.
After we put Kara to sleep on Saturday, I've searched for information about the grief and loss of a pet, usually a four-legged kiddo and family member to us humans. It was that I necessarily needed it, since I have dealt with a great deal of loss in my life. My experience has taught me how to grieve appropriately. But, I wondered about help with grief and loss from a pet for others. What books were there on the subject.
What amazed me was how little there are--and how there's even less for people of faith. I looked online and even went in to a bookstore to see what books there were on the subject. Online, I found a few--and bought every single one of them, mind you. I also bought a couple "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books about cats.
What rather amazed me was how in that bookstore there was not one for the grief and loss of a pet--or for infertility. Both challenges are ones the individual usually has to go through alone because few understand what they are going through. Why wasn't there a book about either?
I cannot help but wonder if this might be my calling--journaling about critters (animals) and writing books about them and how animals touch our lives and what we can learn from them about life and about faith. But, is this a topic that is too overly done? I wonder. Then, I remember my visit to the bookstore and find my answer. There was nothing to help with my situation.
Also, I haven't found a book on dealing with cancer in your pet.
Nor did I find a book about what animals mean (or could mean) to those who can't have children.
Nor have I found a good memoir about bring adopted by a feral cat--who has two types of cancer and the journey that ensued because of both.
Kara's story is a very unique one--and I learned from her veterinarian, Dr. G. how few would do what my husband I did for the cat. (Never mind what Kara did to and for us.)
Needless to say, I imagine I am going to share all of Kara's stories and our moments with Kara and see where this leads.
I have the education and experience to help walk with others through their grief--and also have 32+ years of journal keeping experience. I imagine I could be a great help to those who want to remember all of the stories of their pet--and those who want to deal with their grief and loss after the death of a pet--a four-legged furry loved one and kiddo.

Blog Journal, Blog Post Series, and Book

I decided I want to write a blog, a blog post series, and a book called,
"Moments with Kara: What a ferel cancer cat taught me about faith and life"
It will be about the blessing of Kara--from September 20, 2014 to the present and in the future.
I made this decision on this Saturday 09/26/2015 as we were waiting for the doc to bring Kara to us to see and hold as the doc put her to earthly sleep. It's really a no brainer. Of course this story needs telling and hearing.
But, how?
In October of every year is National Journal Writing Month (NaJoWriMo) and I have been trying to come up with a theme as I participate in the concentrated month. Moments with Kara seems like a pretty good theme if you ask me.
Also, in November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo or NaNo) and I will write "Moments with Kara" then as well.
I want to capture every memory, every moment, every blessing we have of Kara Beara. She deserves no less and I want to count the blessings of her for the rest of my life. They were numerous.
So, between now and the end of November, I should have a great deal on the page. Also, I have decided to make it a spiritual book, but will not make it an in your face Christian book. I want a larger audience to read it and be touched by her and our story.
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An email I sent mom on 09/29/2015 at 905 a.m.:
Mom, I see you accepted my invite to the "Moments with Kara Private Blog." This is where I will write every single memory and blessing of Kara. I shared it with you so you can see what I share.
Then, I will do a public blog and blog post series, which I will turn into a book or several books. Inspirational Spiritual Animal Memoir and Devotional.
So, that's the plan I made this morning.
I hope you enjoy both blogs and the books. But, how could you not Gammy? Kara was your grandcritter, after all. And, she was and is quite special. Her and her big, bright, beautiful eyes and a heart larger than this world.
- S