The Blessings of a Feral Cancer Cat

19 DAYS AND COUNTING

I cannot believe it's been nineteen days since Kara went Home. Nineteen days since we made the decision to put her to sleep before she suffered. I cannot help but feel at times she was stolen from us. We just didn't have her long enough. 

Then, I try to look at things with reason and logic. We had her seven months longer than we were supposed to, according to the veterinarian. So, oh, how we are thankful for that. 

And, if you knew Kara, you would know one day with her was larger than life and full of love. We had her one year and six days. Could we be more blessed? 

She knew a life she never had prior... and she had it for over a year. She knew love for the first time. She learned how to be loved and how to love extravagantly. Again... what blessings!

I should count the blessings we had with her and since. I shouldn't want her back. I should be grateful for what we had with her and how we can live fuller lives because of her. 

But, oh, how I miss her. The problem is there is so much to miss. Kara girl looked like the size of a kitten, but her heart and spirit were larger than Alaska. 

Rather than be sad, I try to count my blessings. 

THE CLAW

Yesterday I ripped off the bandage and did something B and I were not ready to do, but knew we had to... it was hard, but a blessing was found. Kara hung out mainly in our bedroom and in our guest bedroom, and sometimes in my study. So, yesterday, I decided to clean the sheets on the guest bed. 

Sinan, our other cat, came to give me a hand... I mean a paw. I'm not sure if he came to stop me or to hang out with me. He sniffed for her in all her favorite spots as I put my hand there and tried not to sob. His head fell forward and his shoulders slumped as we both looked and remembered. Then, as I pulled back the sheet to strip it from the bed and I gasped. I didn't expect it. I felt pure joy and anguish rush through my system at once in response. There was a claw there. 

I took it as a hug from the Lord.

I reached for it and added it to the baggy we have of a whisker and some of her fur we have found. Silly, I know. Some would say it's ridiculous. But, they are physical reminders of a cat who was here... a blessing from the Lord... and I want to count those blessings as much as I can as often as I can and those physical reminders help me to do so. Silly? Probably. But, if it deepens my faith and helps me appreciate my blessings, I would rather be silly and do silly things. It's worth it. 

A hug indeed. 

THE DIFFERENT SECTIONS OF THESE BLOG POSTS

I write each blog post throughout the day, a day to a couple of weeks before they post. And when I write them, I write them in segments. I write a section and then go do something else for a while (like reading the holy book and prayer, never mind housekeeping) and then come back to it. I do not write it all in one setting. Consequently, if you sense a change in my feelings or thoughts as you read, it's because an hour or more might pass between each segment or section. 

THE PLANS FOR BOOKS 1 AND 2: A BOOK OF FAITH AND AN INTERACTIVE DEVOTIONAL MEMOIR AND PET JOURNAL

Book 1: I am writing the first book in the Moments with Kara series as a book of faith, and will even talk about the Lord and prayer, and may even quote some Old Testament verses from time to time. But, I want to keep this generic enough anyone can read it and get a lot out of it, regardless of what one believes. I want faith in general and life to be the focus and the blessings and lessons received from Kara the feral cancer cat. 

Book 2: This will be a Christian focused book. It will be more of a devotional memoir of sorts, where you will interact with the book. 

I hope this helps you know my heart and where I am/we are headed and to know my present focus. 

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS DURING THIS SEASON OF THANKS

As I mentioned yesterday, I have tried the last couple of years to live a life of thanks, not just a holiday or season of thanksgiving. However, in October through the end of the year, I try to step it up a notch or two and count even more blessings. After all, every moment, in every situation, and in days of sun or days of rain (my way of saying good times and challenging times), it is important that o be thankful and show gratitude. Every moment is blessed. 

Every moment has its blessing. All. Without fail.

The catch is are we going to just let our blessings pass us by, or will we choose to look for them and count them? 

Just the thought of missing a blessing makes me sad. I don't ever want to miss one blessing. 

A blessing is when the Lord shows us favor. 

It's when He throws us a bone, so to speak. Or, is a hug from Him to us. It's how He shows us love and teaches us about Himself. He loves us unconditionally and without limit. Hence, He blesses us. And every moment is blessed. He wants to show us constantly how much He loves us. 

Kara is/was a very large blessing. She was for us and we were for her. She showed how blessed she knew she was. She purred almost non-stop. Even when her lungs were filled with cancer... Even as she died in B's arms and as she rubbed her face and head all over my hands... She died purring. She died showing love and counting her blessings in her own cat way. 

This is why it is so important for me to count my blessings... always... and especially until the end of the year as I try to count far more each day than I usually do. 

Will you join me and count our blessings this day? 

Blessings and Lessons #1 and #2: Thanksgiving and Love

Blessing and Lesson #1 Live a life of thanksgiving, not just a season

That's the first blessing I count and is the first lesson I want to mention because of Kara, our feral cancer cat.
Kara found my husband ("B") and I and we brought her into our garage for a couple of weeks while we helped her acclimate to being indoors and to us, and as we waited for her appointment with our veterinarian. It also gave her time for her meds to work to their full capacity. Then, we brought her into my study and locked her in there for a few days so she could acclimate to there and our Beatle and our orange cat.
She never looked back. She never tried to door dart and she grasped she was safe and had plenty of food and love. She was a completely different cat... almost immediately and over the last year.
Kara was feral. She had an opinionated demeanor and insisted on things going her way. Sure, this is true for any cat. But, put a cat inside permanently, after being an outdoor cat, and they are even more opinionated. Most of her behavior and attitude was out of self-defense and she slowly learned she had no threat in us or in our home.
We could tell how thoroughly grateful she was to no longer have to sleep with her head in the air and she didn't have to find food. But, she was far more grateful to be able to love and to be loved. This was how she lived with us and was how she died with us. Thankful. Loved and loving.
Kara knew where she was and came from and she lived fully a life of thanks. She could have swelled on what was. She had a horrible life until us. But, she didn't focus on that. She didn't look back. She was grateful for what she had now.

BLESSING AND LESSON #2: LOVE AND BE LOVED
Kara learned how to give unconditional love and how to receive it.
She never knew love before us. We know she was abused, for the way she cowered at first if we made fast movements and the way she always held her down to show she was contrite and humble. She also was fixed and declared. So, this shows she had another human in her life. They probably dumped her because either they didn't know how to handle a deaf cat, or because they were moving in our community that had a lot of military, or they knew she had cancer. Therefore, she didn't know the fullness of love a human could give her. Not until B and me.
Once we convinced her we were no threat and would never hit her or dump her, she thrived. And she knew love and she loved. And it was thorough and unconditional.
I cannot imagine being about ten years old and never knowing love.
It breaks my heart to think. I'm getting weepy at the thought.
Do I know what's it means to fully love and be loved? At first blush, I would say no, if you were to ask me right now. Then, I picture girlie and I smile. My heart warms. You bet I know! It's because of Kara.
I am thankful for Kara teaching me to live a life of thanks and blessing... and for teaching me how to fully love and be loved.

In Remembrance of...

A BEGINNING NOTE

Since these blog posts will be turned into at least one book, I decided to start Kara's story like a book. Here are the first couple of pages:

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Working Title of Blog Post Series and Book:

"Moments with Kara: What a feral cancer cat taught me about faith and life"

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DEDICATION

Kara, our Baby Girl and Little Bit, you will never be forgotten, our faithful and loyal friend and companion. Your strength and love will inspire us to live better lives and be better people as we wait to see you again in eternity. You never let even their cancer hold you back or get you down and allowed love to help you be steadfast. 

What an inspiration you were and are. Your resiliency was absolutely remarkable.

Snuggle up to the Lord for us.

ONCE UPON A TIME

There once was a cat. Her name was Kara.

This is the story of a merging of lives and this is the tale of our journey together.

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A LED MEMORIAL CANDLE SHINES 

I am a writer of nonfiction and fiction and am a journal keeper. Therefore, I have an office in one of the bedrooms of our home. It's devoted to writing and reading and has no bed in it, unless you count our bald faced eagle's sighed, where he is now, sleeping away. This is where I sit now and I have a round pedestal table, which I use as a desk. On this desk sits a LED tealight candle in remembrance of Kara Duplease.

It is a flameless LED candle since I cannot have regular candles because our other cat, Sinan (pronounced see-nawn), a crazy and woolly Maine Coon who caught his tail on fire once when he jumped on my desk to get in the way of my writing. He was and is just fine. I will share the story another time, but this is why I don't use a real candle to stand as a memorial of our Baby Girl.

Every time I write at my desk, or at the sofa downstairs, I make sure to light it and remember our feral cancer cat who thoroughly stole our hearts. It is the least I can do. 

OUR BABY GIRL

It has been sixteen days since my husband and I made the choice to have Kara put to sleep. 

Pardon me as I pause for a moment and try to recollect myself as just writing that sentence has stirred up several emotions, never mind memories. 

Here it is Fall, and my favorite time of year, I am reminded as I look out my window and see the yellow, orange, and red leaves of trees in the distance. And that flashes an image in my mind of when Kara found us, how it was Fall and I have a couple of pictures of the feral cat with colorful Fall leaves beside her. She made Fall my favorite season all the more because it brought her into our lives. 

It was just over a year ago.

Kara stepped into our open garage, and into the lives of my husband and me, in the Fall. And, she stepped out of our physical lives just one year, six days later, and she has so thoroughly changed us that her story must be told. It must be remembered and shared. 

Oh, what a year!

When Kara stepped into our garage and into our lives, it was after my husband and I found out we were both infertile, after we tried two rounds of IVF, and tried to adopt... and we had just made the decision to not have children. 

We thought she was a feral kitten with how small and malnourished she was, only to find out by our veterinarian how she was a senior on one visit, and only to find out on another she had both breast and lung cancer. Therefore, we decided to spoil her rotten and love on her as long as we could, in a way we knew she had never been loved. 

Those last two paragraphs were a teaser as to the rest of this blog and book. I hope you now understand more of the context in which she came into our lives. And, I hope you see when we call her our Baby Girl, she was just that. She was probably the closest thing we will ever have to one and we loved her with our whole being and spent great resources (time and money) as we tried to give her at least some time of the life she deserved. She sure hadn't deserved being beaten and abandoned (I will write more on that, too). 

Kara never knew before us the kind of love we gave her and we didn't know the kind of love she gave us.

Yes, Baby Girl... This Blog and book are in remembrance of you.

An Introduction to This Blog

Hello. Thank you for stopping by and taking a peek at this blog.

This blog is my personal journaling, which I will turn into a book in time. It is about remembering a double cancer feral cat who adopted my husband and I on September 20, 2014 and she was put to sleep on September 26, 2015. She found us, adopted us, and thoroughly changed our lives.

Are you an animal lover?

Do you own a pet or have you ever owned a pet?

Have you ever had a rescue and/or a feral cat?

Have you ever had a sick pet?

Have you ever had a terminally ill and provided palliative care for a pet?

Have you ever had a pet with cancer?

Have you ever had a pet go Home?

Do you like to read inspirational stories?

Do you want to live the best life possible?

Do you want to learn how to count your blessings?

Do you want to journal about your pet so you can remember all the memories of them?

Do you want to write a memoir about your pet?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this blog is for you.

Welcome to: "Moments with Kara: What a feral cancer cat taught me about faith and life." It's a memoir and inspirational story about a rescue, pet loss, and unconditional love.

This Blog is My Writing Notebook

There should blog is my writing notebook. It is what I'm using to write Kara's story and I will use this to journal and get my thoughts down on the page. This is where I will get it all down on the page and I hope to make my mistakes here. I also hope to make it count.

Another Memories List of Moments with Kara

Sinan and the mouse, then Kara and the mouse.
Driving across country.
Driving to Cheyenne.
Chicken.
How she not my thumb, thinking it was chicken.
The red cinnamon tint to her fur when in the sunlight.
Her black skid mark under her chin.
Her half smile marking on the side of her mouth.
In your face when begging.
Didn't play usually.
Rubberbands.
White whiskers, white eyebrows.
How when she meowed her ears went flat.
Tunnel.
Sleeping on plastic and electric things, plus my comb binding machine.
Hurt hind quarters.
Easy to get in the garage after I was concerned.
When she first saw me with a towel on my head.
How she liked my scents.
How she used to do obstacle courses to get from one piece of furniture to another.
How she caught Sinan in her box.
How she caught Sinan in her food.
How Sinan jumped in our bed on top of her when she was sleeping and she let him have it.
How she never understood Sinan wanted to play and not hurt her.
She loved to curl up on top of cardboard or corregated boxes.
How she made me take breaks when I worked and wrote.
She knew we protected her from Sinan.
Kitty crossed-paws.
How she slept on my side of the bed.
Collecting urine.
Never had to be trained with cat box.
How she was so resilient.

Memories List of Moments with Kara

How she would get to her feet when she saw you or when you woke her.
How she looked at us like she absolutely adored us.
How she meowed and purred quite loudly since she was deaf and couldn't hear herself.
How she had a white dot on the tip of her black tail.
Purr.
Her unique meow. Hum into meow. Crescendo.
Rapid fire pawing door with her softpaws until the door opened.
Her gait... Her belly and her feet.
Whiskers forward when rubbing her chin... and in new situations.
Belly flop.
Uneven ears.
Boxing Sinan.
Tunnel.
Didn't like her bed at first.
Sleeping on our pajama bottoms, which were sweat pants.
Bringing her into the house in slow stages.
How she almost had a tile dropped on her head and didn't hear it.
Car sickness.
She leaned to the left when Bob pet her head. Puffy cheeks.
How we thought she was a kitten at first.
Running before she's awake to get to food and trying to fall over as she tried to get her feet under her.
Little beggar.
Sleeping on my purse.
Lying on my tablet sleeves and on our bags and on my laptop.
Drinking out of my water glass.
Footsteps all over the place for her.
Lying on our chests in bed.
How Zack was with her.
Dickies cups
Tea
Sleeping on our bed.
Every morning she came I to the bathroom with me.
She loved looking out doors and windows, just to see, and not to go out.
She in our guest bedroom.
Paw in the air when sleeping.
Ears above her bed.
Thyroid medicine.
Pain meds.
Travel sickness meds.
Screaming at Sinan. And growling.

No "Bambi" but Cancer Kitty is Alright

Looking back, it rather amazes me that I wasn't a major wreck every day of the last year. You see... It's a good thing we didn't have kids. If we did, I cannot handle watching the movie "Bambi" or even "Dumbo." After all, they make me too emotional. As a matter of fact, I have never watched or read "Old Yeller" or "Where the Red Fern Grows." And, don't even get me started on watching the movie "Warhorse."
When I was three years old, my parents took me to see one of the "Love Bug" movies and when Herbie got sawed in half, I became so hysterical they almost had to take me out of the theater for the scene I caused.
Thank the Lord I have never accidentally run over a critter, or you might need to tranquilize me (slight exaggeration, but not much).
So, I am not emotionally mature enough to handle tragedy with animals.
Normally.
Cancer kitty changed everything for me.
It didn't matter if I could handle it or not, for Kara, I had to. I know how animals pick up on our emotions, and I wasn't about to scare her or upset her. The last thing she ever needed was additional stress.
I was able to remain strong and determined to walk with Kara through her cancers and didn't hesitate to do so. She was worth it and even after everything, I would do it all again and again. She deserved no less and it was easy to support her. She was so special and precious, such a blessing, we were not about to let her down in any way.
I think a lot of prayer helped me stand strong with and for Kara, as I remained by her side.