Praying the Bible and Psalm 119:28

Lord, You and your Word have perfect timing. I had no idea I was battling the familiar grief until...

Lord, as You know, I started out praying another verse today. However, I was stopped in my tracks after I read a Christian blog post about Mother's Day. The next thing I knew, I was a sobbing mess, which is rare for me these days, and I had something dawn on me. And, it seems in my times of tears You teach me so wonderfully. I think it is because of the verse I want to pray today.

This thought makes me smile. One that is easily found because I have Your Word tucked in way deep inside so silly emotional moments are short-lived while Your Word, and its impact, are eternal.

Gotta love it when I sit at our dining room table, windows and blinds wide open with multiple houses could look in as I cry. Sheesh. I was too transfixed to move. The blog post got my attention. It was for those who have lost a child or who are childless.

Ugh. I have pulled myself together, Abba. The tears start again. I still sit at the same dining room table. Maybe if I don't sob and just let the tears fall, no one will tell what I'm really doing. Or, why should I care?

Lord, You know how hard Mother's Day around Father's Day is for us, for B (my hubby) and me. It's the days we wish we could lack ourselves away a reminded pretend like it isn't happening. We do not go to church. We try not to make any plans. We just get lost in our own little world.

We do not regret not having kids. We couldn't. And, in many ways, we are at peace we didn't have them. But, there are times we miss what could have been. What should have been. If it wasn't for Eve and that fruit, this would never had been a problem.

I still think it is kind of funny, Lord, how both of us are infertile. Not one. Both. It kind of helps since neither one of us have to feel the guilt since we cannot. We both cannot, so no guilt ever known here. Thank you for that.

There was a verse that got me through the second time IVF didn't work. It comes to mind from time to time still.

It is what held me up after the realization we would never have children of our own. Other than four-leggeds. And, oh how we have invested in them!

What makes Mother's Day particularly difficult this year is how we lost two of our four-leggeds. One at the end of September 2015 and the other at the end of January 2016. Two losses in four months, Lord.

So, Father God, we are childless and have lost two.

Ouch.

I haven't cried about Kara cat, Zack Beagle, or not having children in quite some time. Not a cry like I cried today.

But, that verse, Lord.  That verse came to mind and I realized it is the perfect verse to pray. Particularly  today. Particularly since I am also grieving the pain terrorism has caused. A U.S. Navy SEAL was lost in battle today in Iraq. It is terrible to have to fight war, but terrorists cannot be allowed to torture, rape, and slaughter people like they are. It is necessary to fight this war, but the wounded and deaths that result are terrible losses. I thank You, Lord, for them and their sacrifices so I can sit here blubbering at my dining room table. This loss puts mine into proper perspective.

Lord, I cry for his family, friends, and team. I cry to You to bring comfort and resolve that this war is a just one and that his sacrifice was truly worthwhile and will not be forgotten. I will uphold everyone associated with him in my prayers. His loss. Before Mother's Day... Lord, be with those left behind and bring them this verse...

PRAYING THE BIBLE AND PSALM 119:28

Your Word says how David was weary and heavy and he wept from sorrow and grief. He asked You, Lord, to strengthen and encourage him from and through Your Word and its promises.

Lord, my heart is heavy. Encourage and strengthen me according to the promises of Your Word.

This verse is a prayer and is about the Word. It is a perfect verse to show and display how to pray the Bible and it tells why it is so important to pray the Bible to begin with, God.

Strengthen me by the promises of the Bible, Lord.

My strength is insufficient at best.

I seek real strength. Strength of an all-powerful, all-loving,  ever-present, all-knowing God is truly real strength. And, I get that strength through praying Your Word.

Praying Your Word is like weight training. It's good strength building.

Lord, help me keep turning to the Bible, to You alone, for strength. Your strength, given through praying the Word, is infinitely better than my strength.

Praying the Bible is the answer to everything and everyone.

Thank You, Daddy, for all of this. To You be the glory forever and ever.

Please give Your strength to all associated with the fallen U.S. service member.

Also, give Your strength to all families and friends who have lost loved ones because of terror.

God, encourage and strengthen all of those who have lost a mom, lost a child, or cannot have children.

Anyone hurting today is this crazy, mixed-up world, please let Your beautiful Word encourage them and give them strength.

Strengthen us and encourage us through You Word, Lord. All the time.

Help us to continually seek the Bible to pray all day long so we can continually, moment by moment, be enriched by Your Word.

A Time of Change and Healing: How hurts and trying to heal have impacted my writing

They say that the Bible is the answer to and for everything. I couldn’t agree more, particularly as I type this. I will get back to this thought in a moment.

What I am about to share is a story I think everyone can understand to some degree and has been at this place in life as well. I cannot wait to share the journey of healing and how it’s changed me enormously already, for the good. More of this will be reflected in the next blog post, by the way.

You see, I am using a new system now with my blogging and writing. I am handwriting my prayer journaling, then typing it up as a blog post. Once I get enough blog posts, I will turn them into a book by editing and adding to them. This is a drastically different approach than I have ever used and I want to make it one I keep using from now on since the truth is I write better on the page by hand and then as I type it up, I am able to edit it and make it all the better. It works well so far. I pray that trend continues.

I stopped blogging and writing for a while so I could pray and see truly where the Lord is leading me with each, never mind my life. I had to. I was desperate. After all, I realized nothing in my life, other than my marriage, was working as it should or could. I am out of sync somehow. What I am about to share is proof of my state of transition.

I am an adult. I have a brain and I know how to use it. This means I can change. I have the ability to change. If I choose to do so. I also realize it takes months of hard work, where it takes a constant deliberate mindset to change. It does not come easily by any stretch of the imagination. I have to change, and so did my blogging and writing because of what I am about to share.

A little over a week ago, I had a wakeup call as I allowed someone to hurt me deeply. It was someone I knew I should not have given the power to do so, since they have bit me before, but I did. I thought, by mistake again, that they had changed. Well, they have. They have the same spots, the spots just moved a little and acted as camouflage so I didn’t see it coming. The truth is, I don’t think they expected it either and it surprised them just as much as it did me. They didn’t do it intentionally, but it still happened. Also, I still have no idea how to pick up with them from here. I love them, but I am no doormat. But, I cannot be a callous individual either. I keep praying God shows me His biblical way and that I do not act merely out of what I desire, which is self-preservation at this point.

I have forgiven, but it’s the forgetting part I am finding a little challenging. (Okay… Maybe a lot challenging. Lord, help me.) However, it says in 1 Corinthians 13 how love keeps no record of wrongs. Ugh. I know that is essential. It’s nonnegotiable. That is why I have pulled away from them for now because they don’t deserve any of my hostility as I try to forget and heal. They don’t need me confused as I try to have a relationship with them. I will say and do something stupid, by accident, and possibly intentionally at the time, if I am completely honest with myself… and they sure don’t deserve that. Two wrongs have never made a right. (Sorry about the cliché, but it conveys so much.) Nor will I put myself in that predicament.

Needless to say, I am in the process of trying to heal, but frankly have no idea where to turn or how to go about that. Or, maybe I should have said that in the past tense. I had no idea where to turn and how no idea to go about the process of healing. I do now, but again, I will get there in a moment.

The fact I allowed myself to be hurt like that, when it is in their nature, gave me a muchly needed wakeup call. That was when I realized how my blogging and writing are proof that something is off with me, and allowing the hurt is more proof. I have not been able to commit to one style of writing. I even started to ask, am I supposed to even be a writer? Have I been spinning my wheels, getting nowhere, for nothing? Have I been fooling myself? Was it wishful thinking? Consequently, I took a step back.

That was when I started to do something I should have done all along. I analyzed my life and where I am and where I will end up if I keep heading in this direction. I’m talking as a person, as well as a Christian, as a blogger, as a writer, and as a journal keeper. I didn’t care for what I saw. I am a scatterbrain who commits to not much but my marriage. I want to commit to my blogging and writing, but nothing ever lasts. I get an idea and the moment the wind shifts, I give up the idea and switch to the latest, greatest, this is it idea. None of this is fair to any of the readers of the blog or my writing.

So, what can I commit to anyway? What is holding me back from making the commitment?

One thing I realized is as much as I try to pray, I really don’t. I hope that makes sense, or will after a few blog posts (or should I say blog post confessionals). I pray, but again, I haven’t really, truly, totally, completely committed. (Yes. I used all of those synonyms to stress how lost I am with my praying life.) Like my blogging and writing life. Like my Bible reading and study as well.

Short of wanting to bury myself in a hole, or at least under the covers of my bed in shame, I realized that it was with my prayer and Word life I needed to start to commit. Really commit. Never give up or stop commit.

If my prayer life and Word life are nothing they should be, wouldn’t it stand to reason that the rest of the facets of my life would be out of kilter as well? After all, nothing is more important than my prayer and Bible life. And, I mean nothing. But, my life sure has been a sorrowful poor example of this, if I were to stop and be honest. Sure, I might do well for a couple of days or weeks, but it wouldn’t last. It never did. And, it never will unless I do something I have never done before.

So, what on earth does that look like? I couldn’t help but wonder.

And, I ever dreamed the answer would be what it is. (I sure do love it when He surprised me like He has the tendency to do.)

I realize now that I look back on things, God has been trying to point me in this direction all along, but I never imagined it would be in this manner.

I realized how I put too many expectations on prayer. Do all of us do this or is it just me? And, in my effort of placing all of these expectations on prayer, it would stop me from praying. It would stifle me and make me not want to pray. Too many expectations on prayer would stop any of us from praying as we should or could.

Now, it starts. (Just wait. You will see what I mean. I just made the switch form narrative to prayer.)

I realize the main thing about prayer is to turn our hearts and minds toward You, Lord… and talk with You, and listen, and pray Your Word. Praying Your Word is the main answer to every question, problem, dilemma, confusion, expectation, etc. with prayer.

No. Scratch that. Praying the Word is the answer for everything… not just prayer.

Literally.

Don’t know what to pray or how, pray what you read in the Bible, which is Your Word, Lord. Think your prayers are silly or immature? Pray the Holy Bible. Want to pray more powerful prayers? Pray the Word. What to pray without ceasing? Pray the Bible. Want to count your blessings and worship God by giving thanks? Pray the Word of God.

Just open the Bible and pray whatever you read. Pray the Bible. It really is that simple.

Thank You, Lord, for simplifying things. I oftentimes make things far more complicated than they need to be. This makes it something I can do, even when I am not thinking straight, and even when I am.

This is what I am focusing my entire life on now, is praying through the Bible. I will also focus all of my blogging and writing on this. And, this will not change. It cannot. There is too much at stake.

Just wait until the next blog post. That’s when things will come together and it will bless your socks off! I guarantee it. God is good that way.

Pray through the Bible. This is the answer. 

STORIES OF BLESSING #5

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS INSTEAD OF WORRYING OR DOUBTING OR... (FILL IN THE BLANK)

Written 2014-10-17 14:26:55, Friday

I don't know about you, but at times, I can obsess. A thought will get in my mind and will replay over and over and over. It will consume my thoughts. 

It's usually something ridiculous, too, and that only makes it, well, more ridiculous. Irrational fear. Doubt. Anxiety. Stress. Frustration. A question. Something not said. Something not done. Something unknown. You pick. It gets in my mind and rolls around more than a barrel going over Niagara Falls. 

I've learned how to counter those times with counting my blessings. If I'm thinking of blessings, I don't have the mindspace or ability to think of the yucky stuff. I can't think of two things at once. Hence, I replace the yucky stuff with thinking of blessings. It's really quite helpful.

Why are we so apt to actively and intentionally choose to think of the bad stuff and of the garbage?  

As easily as we ruminate on the not-so-helpful stuff, shouldn't we think, and count, the blessings? Wouldn't this be far more advantageous? Never mind how much our lives would change if we did so. 

I got this idea long ago through my favorite movie, WHITE CHRISTMAS. There was a song, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS INSTEAD OF SHEEP. Check out the link below and it has the lyrics. 

Check out this link:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Count_Your_Blessings_(Instead_of_Sheep)

Let's give it a try.

-- By Stacy Duplease of Virginia

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MY DEEPEST DESIRE FOR THIS BLOG (MY VISION)

Written 2014-10-17 15:50:31, Friday

It's my deepest desire for this blog to be one of encouragement, inspiration, and hope for you. I hope it will be a pick-me-up for you to read and I also hope that you'll share your stories of blessing with us. 

It's my deepest desire for this to become the largest website or blog on the internet regarding blessings. 

Let's face it. Life is not always pretty. It surely isn't fair. Nor is life easy. Therefore, I hope this can become a safe place.

I also hope this will become a place where we leave a legacy of blessings for generations after us to read and learn from and be inspired and encouraged by. 

Counting our blessings is the best way to live. 

Can you share with me in this vision? 

Every story matters and every blessing should be counted. 

Please share your stories of blessings. It would be an honor to read them. 

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BLESSINGS FROM ELLEN OF DENVER

my daughter and son-in-law

flowers

the smell of grass after mowed

sheets, blankets to keep us warm

a warm coat when it's cold out

rain

hospitals

nursing homes

hospice

Many blessings

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STROKE, HEART, ANXIETY, SPINE, M.S., FIBROMYALGIA, OR WHAT?

Written Monday, October 20, 2014 a.m.

Someone close to me presented with symptoms of tingling in face, pain in shoulder and arm, chest pain. I suggested they called the doctor immediately. They did. After all, those symptoms could be something not good at all to minor. The symptoms were serious enough not to ignore and get immediate care--to be on the safe side. 

As I waited to hear the news of what happened, I tried to count my blessings and focus on that, not on my anxiety. (Hah!)

When they called, they said they would need to go through tests.

(Thank God for doctors and for tests!)

I told the individual not to presume anything or worry. The docs wanted to rule stuff out. And, the individual could have the relief those parts and pieces were checked and no abnormalities were found... or, knowing what was wrong and develop a treatment plan. Either were good. 

Of course, their heart was tested.

It ends up being a pinched nerve.

Let's look at all of the blessings here:

1 Health insurance

2 Doctors

3 Medicine

4 Nurses

5 Hospitals

6 Medical staff and their supporting staff

7 Answers

8 Could have been so much worse

9 How this turned into, for the individual, a time of blessing and counting their blessings

10 It provided a memory they would never forget. Not because it turned out well. But, because of the journey. They learned how to have a deeper faith and how God would get them through, and be with them, when no one else could be. God is always there. Without fail. Always.

11 It brought the individual and I even closer in the shared memory

12 We were able to count our blessings together

13 The individual was able too often be a blessing to the staff

14 The individual has a new perspective on life

15 A new perspective on medicine

What a story of blessing.

-- Anonymous

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THE THANKSGIVING CHALLENGE: A PROMPT OR EXERCISE

Every day, our goal is to count a minimum of three blessings and write a story of blessing from one of them.

Today, why don't you double your counting of blessings and count at least six?

I guarantee you'll be blessed if you do.

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COUNTING OF BLESSINGS 

The blessing of a new day.

The gift and opportunity of a new day and a new week.

The crispness in the air that only Fall can bring.

The fiery reds, the dazzling bronzes, the flame oranges, and the sunshiny yellows of the Fall leaves.

Watching leaves fall to the ground from the towering and elegant trees.

The sight of the leaves on the ground.

The sound of walking through the leaves.

-- Stacy Duplease of Virginia

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IT IS SACRED

it is a sacred act to count our blessings.

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PERSPECTIVE

Counting our blessings, and telling stories of blessing, brings us new and proper perspective.

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BLESSINGS BRING CHALLENGES

Written 2014-10-20 09:14:38, Monday

I hadn't even thought of something and failed to put it together until it was too late. The lesson was a reminder one and was relearned. I want to share it with you so you can learn it vicariously and can be spared of learning it through personal experience.

There seems to be a rule of thumb in this life. If life starts to go well, something will challenge that. The counting of blessings and sharing and telling stories of blessing is no different. I forgot this. If you make the conscious decision to count your blessings, you will suddenly look at hard stuff at your past and feel challenged because of it as you try to find your blessings, and count them, from and about that time. But, your present and future will be challenged as well.

You will be tested to see if you can continue to count your blessings through these challenges. 

Well, I decided a while ago to make this a lifelong challenge for me and my life. If I could, the epitaph on my grave marker would read:

"COUNTER OF BLESSINGS"

If that was all that was said of my life was that... I would not find more of a supreme honor. 

I get tears in my eyes just thinking of this. This is what I want the rest of my life to be about. I want to be a counter of blessings.

Then, last week, I made the decision, through the prompting of the Lord, to help you become a Counter of Blessings as well. And, I want to count as many of your blessings, and share your stories of blessing, as possible on this blog. Nothing would mean more to me.

As a joy shared is a joy doubled, so is the way of blessings. 

So, Monday of last week, my husband (B) and I made a very difficult, life-transforming decision. 

Then, a family--challenge--presented itself. 

Then, B and I did a great deal of discussion about our future and what looks like.

Then, a challenge B and I have faced since April came about stronger once again.

Then, we were challenged again as to where we will live in the future.

I've been dealing with an anxiety headache for over a week now. (Self-imposed. I really need to chill.)

I was met with challenge after challenge since Friday. Some of them were very close to home. Some brought me great anxiety (only because I allowed it). It even caused me to sleep poorly--tossing, turning, trying to count my blessings but finding it difficult, worrying, praying, repeat. I kept trying to count my blessings. But, I failed. I crashed and burned in the worst way. 

Ouch.

Big time ouch, let me add.

Why did I keep refusing (by choice) to find one blessing to count? Why did I not overcome it? I kept trying. But, couldn't. Wouldn't. Why? 

The answer is simple: I could not let go. 

I now know of a challenge I will have to be aware of for a while: I really need to persist and count all of my blessings, at all times, in and for ALL things. This is my goal this week is to figure out how to really, truly but this into practice.

I knew this lesson--and I knew it well. I realized that when I really got serious about sharing my stories of blessing, through counting my blessings, I would face more challenges. The question is: What will I do with them?

I may have failed this weekend. But, I will pick myself up, brush off the dirt, and persist. I will learn, not hold it against myself, and triple my counting of blessings this week in retaliation. 

So, I warn you. Blessings bring challenges.

But, oh, how it is worth it! 

-- By Stacy Duplease of Virginia

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A TIP WITH COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS AND SHARING YOUR STORIES OF BLESSING

Counter your worry, anxiety, stress, frustration, quesitoning, and doubt with counting your blessings. 

Be intentional about it.

This will not just change your perspective, but will transform you. 

Then, others will see the change in you. They will ask. You can share how you are a counter of blessing and then their lives will be transformed. 

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THE BLESSING OF HOME

Written 2014-10-20 10:37:16, Monday

Home is where the heart is. 

It's an old cliche, but doesn't make it any less meaningful or any less true. 

Home is a place of refuge. It's your safe place.

It's where you can be fully you. 

Home is where you lay roots. It's where you hang your hat. It's where you make memories and remember memories as well. It's the place of family. It's a special, sacred, meaningful place.

I am a third generation Colorado native. So, Colorado is home. The Denver area in particular (another home). 

I was born in the United States of America. Hence, the USA is home. 

And, my family has been in the U.S. since 1607. Jamestown. So, the USA has been home for multiple generations. And, Jamestown is also home. 

Virginia is where I live. That's home. The city I live, the block I live, and the house in which I live are all homes to me. 

Where B and I end up when we retire, that's home. 

Home, to me, is wherever B is. (And, our five critters.)

Home is whatever we choose to make of it. 

Counting my blessings and writing my stories of blessing is home. It's where my heart is. It's what I want for the rest of my life. It's where I am most content. It's what makes me--me. 

So, home is this blog.

Home is whatever we choose.

A story of blessing prompt, tip, hint, suggestion: So, what about you? What do you count as home? Why? 

Then, there is the spiritual home for me...

When I die, I will have eternal life with the Lord in heaven, so to speak, and that is my ultimate home. This is the one I always long for and long for it most, even when I don't even realize it. the felling all of us get that something is missing. That's it. Since Adam and Eve failed to confess their mistake, and the eating of the fruit, we have been banished from living and walking with God--and seeing His face. Everything changed. This is what we long for--is being able to walk personally, in the physical sense, with God. (Oh, there's a lot more to it than this. But, I will keep it at this. Don't want to give too much or long of a sermon.) 

Home is a place of immeasurable blessings. Let's count them--past, present, and future--and do so today. 

-- By Stacy Duplease of Denver, Colorado originally and Virginia presently

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THE BLESSING OF MY JOURNAL

Written 2014-10-20 10:55:31, Monday

Back in the middle of September, I turned a whole four decades old. It was something I was excited for and found it an honor. After all, every day is a blessing. Every day is the opportunity for me to live the purpose God has given me. And, that is precisely why He allows me to live each day. I now realize my purpose is to be a counter of blessings. And, to help others learn to be as well.

I've been journaling since at least the age of eight, maybe before. My parents and I are not too sure--and the journaling (diary keeping) from back in the day is long gone. Journaling has always been an important part of my life. Granted, for a few years, it was an off again, on again, thing. But, I'm talking overall here. 

My journaling has shaped my life and who I am. Words cannot even begin to capture how meaningful of a blessing my journaling is and how it's shaped my life. Journaling to me is a way of life. And, it's more than that. It is life. And, if you asked me who I am, I would have to say "I am a journalkeeper," before I ever stated my name. 

I also do think we should define ourselves by our nationality or our personality, but by our choices and our life mission statement. our life mission statement is upon which we build everything we do today and in the future. It defines who we are. It defines everything about our lives and how we do our job, interact with our family, our personality, etc. 

I do not believe we should ever define ourselves as a job title. For instance: "Who are you: I'm a writer." Nor, do I think you should state your family titles: "Wife, mom, daughter, etc." But, I think we should give our life philosophy and what our lives mean to us. We should give our life purpose, which again, isn't a job or family title. 

Earlier, I said this of myself, "I'm a counter of blessings."

That's a new title. And, it's incomplete. Ask me who I am--right now--and in the future, I think I would say this:

"Pray-er, Faithful, Storykeeper of Blessings, Journalkeeper."

{Note #1: The storykeeper of blessings is because the blessings others share with me are far more important than my blessings. Not just saying that. It's the truth.}

{ Note #2: Huh! I just re-read who I am and how I define myself and realized something interesting. I love every year to write a 6-word memoir. This is something I do at the end of every year and the beginning of every year. At any rate, I just realized I did precisely that, without even meaning to do so.} 

Journaling has always been what I did and who I am. Why? Because of the blessings I've received from it. 

When I was fourteen or so, my mom and dad bought me the fanciest, most meaningful journal I ever had. It was a Hallmark journal, I would say about 8.5 by 8.5 inches. And, on the front coverwas a girl--with stars and the moon overhead. It was a drawing. The writing on the front read:

"Sometimes I need to be alone,

thinking, dreaming, on my own.

Trying to figure out what makes me--me,

Finding my own special path." 

--Hallmark Journal 1988ish

Those are the words as I remember them to this day. The journal was lost long ago sadly. So, I do not know if that was a direct quote or not, but it's awfully close. 

Those words have shaped me as a journalkeeper--and as a human being. 

The path my journaling has taken to me is from keeping a diary and a journal aobut my childhood angst and boo-hooing (at times), and venting, to finding meaning and a deeper state of conscious living. It's led me to prayer journaling, which is the only journaling I do now. Everything I journal is with the Lord as my first audience, but I also picture my family and friends--and readers. All of my fellow journey takers of this path of life. 

Only, my (prayer) journaling is more than prayer journaling now. It's counting my blessings and that of others. I put "my" first because I do  not want to forget to look around at all tiems and search for blessings and get them on the page. I can control this in my life the most. But, I also count your blessings as a blessing thief and I count it as an honor to share in your blessing.

Your stories of blessing matter much and every single one of them should be shared. Why? There are some blessings I will never experience, except vicariously (like having a child). And, you have blessings others will never experience personnally either, but can through you. 

I include your blessings in my journaling, needless to say. After all, this life is more than me. 

My journaling is one of my biggest blessings and I cannot wait to share more stories of why.

SIDENOTE

I decided to look for the quote on my diary from/by Hallmark and found these blog posts about it:

http://www.reviewjournal.com/columns-blogs/xazmin-garza/write-my-next-chapter

And:

http://theamazingphdadventure.blogspot.com/2010/02/reflections.html

If I were to sit and count all of the blessings journaling has brought me, I would have to spend every day for the rest of my life to record the blessings. That's how many there have been. 

-- By Stacy Duplease of Virginia

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1 What’s the Secret of Life?

 

What’s the secret of life?

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve missed it somehow. There’s always this sense of something more and of something different. It feels like there should be more to this existence than what I’ve found. There’s got to be more to life than this. There’s got to be more to life than a getting by existence. There’s got to be more than busyness.

What really matters? How do I live the best life possible? How do I live smack-dab in the middle of God’s will each and every day, all day long? And, Lord, how on earth do I stop this pain? What about this emptiness? Why can’t I get enough? Why am I always getting so side-tracked?

Why am I not getting enough out of my prayer life? My Bible reading? My Bible study? My life?

What’s wrong with me? My life is a good one. I count myself blessed. But, I feel stuck.

Questions are forever bubbling up inside of me. How do I find the answer, the Answer, once and for all?

Somehow, it all seems connected, doesn’t it?

What is the secret?

Is it different for me than it is for someone else?

How can I find the beauty in my life, even on the not so beautiful and dark days? And, how can I find such beauty, sacredness, and wonder that others find it catching from me?

The answer is Jesus. Yes, without a doubt. The Answer is found in Him and in the Bible. Yes. No doubt. No question. No arguments either. However, how does my faith in Jesus Christ, and in the Bible, provide me eternal life today, where I am, and what does that mean? In other words, how can I find heaven on earth? How can I live fully in the present? How can I live an intentional life that finds the beauty in the small stuff and in the big?

How can I heal from this wound? How can I let go? How should I live? How can I find wonder in my life? How can I find joy? How can I slow down and find the peace and joy that I am aching for?

How can I fully live today in the midst of a trying, busy, challenging life? How can I fully embrace the grace God has given me and live for eternity today?

How, Lord?

Can I?

How can I know the full and abundant life? How can I know You fully on this earth, Lord? Can I today?

Show me the way, Lord.

WELCOME

Welcome, reader and fellow traveler of a hurting time in life. This is the story of my journey as I prayer journal through a very difficult and painful time in my life, as I try to heal and find my new path and way of life. This is my odyssey with God as I grieve a loss of a dream, ask lots of questions, search for answers, prayer journal, cling to the Word of God, and listen.

In time, I will use these prayer journal entries to write devotionals, Bible studies, and Christian Living books. After all, I hope my journey through pain and healing as I learn how to live with a new perspective with no idea what the future holds—will help others to learn how to do the same themselves. Because, let’s face it, all of us have hurt at one time, know someone who is now, and we will probably hurt again. This is meant to be a series of reflections to help us walk through the healing process.

~ S. D. 

What have you mourned in your life?: A Journaling Exercise

Journaling isn't just something we do when we want to think with the good parts of our life. Life is full of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the indifferent. It's always fluid. Life changes on a dime. Hence, our journals are meant to encapsulate all of these dimensions. 

If we only journal about just the good parts of life, and the easy parts of life, we miss most of our lives. We then live in a fantasy world at that point and have a very minimal, unrealistic, point-of-view. 

Journaling about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the indifferent makes you more well-rounded and helps bring you perspective--and later new perspective and point-of-view. 

This includes times of mourning.

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

* What have you mourned in your life? Who have you mourned in your life?

* How has this shaped who you are today?

Stacy Duplease
Journalkeeper & Author

The Remembering Your Present Journal Keeping Series

Email: storykeeper2121@gmail.com

Bookstore: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/hisfiction

dba Remembering Your Present, LLC & Storykeeper 2121

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease. 2010.)

Journaling through the tough stuff of life: A Journaling Exercise

I do not know about you, but I've been in a funk ever since I heard about the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shootings in Newtown, Connecticut. I've been in mourning and grieving for family I do not know. I count them as family because we live in the same country, the USA. (We are supposed to be united, after all.) 

You also might have noticed how I have received pinpointed point-of-view--where I have analyzed my life, along with that of our nation. (That will be talked more about on a later day.) But, I also haven't talked much about journaling. Sure. I took some time off to do nothing but pray and journal. But, I haven't talked much about how to journal or how to journal through, most importantly, hard and unfathomable times like this. 

What do you do when something so awful and nightmarish happened that you do not have the words, let alone the comprehension of the situation? How do you handle when the unspeakable happens? How do you handle when real-life is worse than the stuff in nightmares?

How do you handle the tough stuff of life? 

The answer is simple: You journal.

I am sure you noticed that was my first inclination after I received the news about Sandy Hook. I immediately went to my blog and said I was shutting down to pray and journal for the day.

That is precisely what I did. 

And that is what I did all day and night Friday. 

The weekend was full of stuff to do. But, the radio was on all the time, playing in the background. I was in a funk all weekend, needless to say. And it carried through yesterday as well. Yesterday was another day for me to journal and try to process what happened, my reaction to it, and what it meant in my life. 

Yesterday, I kept flashing back to Shar's shooting when she was murdered. I also kept thinking of Columbine--and the students I knew who were there that day. I also cannot help but think of the Memorial Service of Columbine--and that of Shar's. Then, that reminds me of the Aurora Movie Theater Shooting. My husband and I spend two weeks back home in Colorado and were by that theater three times or more. I even knew a couple fo people who were going to go see the movie that night, but didn't go. 

Flashbacks. The sense of loss. Mourning. Praying. Trying to find my way.

Today, I am coming out of the funk. I am no longer just going through the motions. I am coming back to life. But, I still realize I have a lot of journaling to do. A lot, a lot, a lot. A lot. 

So, how do you journal through the tough stuff of life?

JOURNALING THROUGH THE TOUGH STUFF OF LIFE

When the unthinkable, unspeakable happens, first turn to God in prayer. Then, turn to God and pray in your journal, if you are a Christian. If you are not, turn to your journal anyway and do whatever spiritual thing that brings you comfort. 

How do you do this?

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

1 Grab your journal.

2 Write the time and date. 

3 Write what happened.

4 Throw-up on paper. Write everything, and I mean EVERY thing, that comes to mind. Put all the ugly stuff you have boiling up inside. Put it on the page so it doesn't have to spill forth on anything or anyone else. Get it out. Do this as long as it takes. Take minutes to hours to days to weeks or even months. Just make sure to get it all out and capture it on the page. 

How do you know when you get it all out? You don't feel like crying, smashing something, or yelling. You get to the point where you have a sense of peace--where you surely do not understand anything, but you can think clearly again. Keep throwing-up on paper until you get to this point. And, make sure to throw-up on paper again later if you feel like crying, smashing something, or yelling. 

5 When you come to the point that you feel a sense of peace and can think again, move to this step. Ask yourself what got to you so much? What caused the reaction in your? How did this impact you and why? Is there something you need to deal with? Did something from your past rise up and demand attention? Were you reminded of something? Spend a lot of time on this as wlel. Make sure to do lots of SOC (Stream of Consciousness) Journaling -where you write anything and everything that comes to mind. 

6 What emotions did you feel or are you feeling?

7 What keeps running through your mind?

8 What do you want to do in response? 

9 What should you do in response?

10 How has your life been changed because of this event?

11 What lessons have you learned?

12 What has God said to you through all of this?

13 What have you said to God? 

14 How can you help others through this--or a situation like this--now and/or later? 

15 What does this mean for your life in the future? How does this change things for you? 

16 Write a summary. 

17 Anything else you want to journal about regarding this situation. 

Do all of that and you will start to heal. 

~ Stacy Duplease

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease.)