Praying the Bible and Psalm 119:28

Lord, You and your Word have perfect timing. I had no idea I was battling the familiar grief until...

Lord, as You know, I started out praying another verse today. However, I was stopped in my tracks after I read a Christian blog post about Mother's Day. The next thing I knew, I was a sobbing mess, which is rare for me these days, and I had something dawn on me. And, it seems in my times of tears You teach me so wonderfully. I think it is because of the verse I want to pray today.

This thought makes me smile. One that is easily found because I have Your Word tucked in way deep inside so silly emotional moments are short-lived while Your Word, and its impact, are eternal.

Gotta love it when I sit at our dining room table, windows and blinds wide open with multiple houses could look in as I cry. Sheesh. I was too transfixed to move. The blog post got my attention. It was for those who have lost a child or who are childless.

Ugh. I have pulled myself together, Abba. The tears start again. I still sit at the same dining room table. Maybe if I don't sob and just let the tears fall, no one will tell what I'm really doing. Or, why should I care?

Lord, You know how hard Mother's Day around Father's Day is for us, for B (my hubby) and me. It's the days we wish we could lack ourselves away a reminded pretend like it isn't happening. We do not go to church. We try not to make any plans. We just get lost in our own little world.

We do not regret not having kids. We couldn't. And, in many ways, we are at peace we didn't have them. But, there are times we miss what could have been. What should have been. If it wasn't for Eve and that fruit, this would never had been a problem.

I still think it is kind of funny, Lord, how both of us are infertile. Not one. Both. It kind of helps since neither one of us have to feel the guilt since we cannot. We both cannot, so no guilt ever known here. Thank you for that.

There was a verse that got me through the second time IVF didn't work. It comes to mind from time to time still.

It is what held me up after the realization we would never have children of our own. Other than four-leggeds. And, oh how we have invested in them!

What makes Mother's Day particularly difficult this year is how we lost two of our four-leggeds. One at the end of September 2015 and the other at the end of January 2016. Two losses in four months, Lord.

So, Father God, we are childless and have lost two.

Ouch.

I haven't cried about Kara cat, Zack Beagle, or not having children in quite some time. Not a cry like I cried today.

But, that verse, Lord.  That verse came to mind and I realized it is the perfect verse to pray. Particularly  today. Particularly since I am also grieving the pain terrorism has caused. A U.S. Navy SEAL was lost in battle today in Iraq. It is terrible to have to fight war, but terrorists cannot be allowed to torture, rape, and slaughter people like they are. It is necessary to fight this war, but the wounded and deaths that result are terrible losses. I thank You, Lord, for them and their sacrifices so I can sit here blubbering at my dining room table. This loss puts mine into proper perspective.

Lord, I cry for his family, friends, and team. I cry to You to bring comfort and resolve that this war is a just one and that his sacrifice was truly worthwhile and will not be forgotten. I will uphold everyone associated with him in my prayers. His loss. Before Mother's Day... Lord, be with those left behind and bring them this verse...

PRAYING THE BIBLE AND PSALM 119:28

Your Word says how David was weary and heavy and he wept from sorrow and grief. He asked You, Lord, to strengthen and encourage him from and through Your Word and its promises.

Lord, my heart is heavy. Encourage and strengthen me according to the promises of Your Word.

This verse is a prayer and is about the Word. It is a perfect verse to show and display how to pray the Bible and it tells why it is so important to pray the Bible to begin with, God.

Strengthen me by the promises of the Bible, Lord.

My strength is insufficient at best.

I seek real strength. Strength of an all-powerful, all-loving,  ever-present, all-knowing God is truly real strength. And, I get that strength through praying Your Word.

Praying Your Word is like weight training. It's good strength building.

Lord, help me keep turning to the Bible, to You alone, for strength. Your strength, given through praying the Word, is infinitely better than my strength.

Praying the Bible is the answer to everything and everyone.

Thank You, Daddy, for all of this. To You be the glory forever and ever.

Please give Your strength to all associated with the fallen U.S. service member.

Also, give Your strength to all families and friends who have lost loved ones because of terror.

God, encourage and strengthen all of those who have lost a mom, lost a child, or cannot have children.

Anyone hurting today is this crazy, mixed-up world, please let Your beautiful Word encourage them and give them strength.

Strengthen us and encourage us through You Word, Lord. All the time.

Help us to continually seek the Bible to pray all day long so we can continually, moment by moment, be enriched by Your Word.

What have you mourned in your life?: A Journaling Exercise

Journaling isn't just something we do when we want to think with the good parts of our life. Life is full of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the indifferent. It's always fluid. Life changes on a dime. Hence, our journals are meant to encapsulate all of these dimensions. 

If we only journal about just the good parts of life, and the easy parts of life, we miss most of our lives. We then live in a fantasy world at that point and have a very minimal, unrealistic, point-of-view. 

Journaling about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the indifferent makes you more well-rounded and helps bring you perspective--and later new perspective and point-of-view. 

This includes times of mourning.

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

* What have you mourned in your life? Who have you mourned in your life?

* How has this shaped who you are today?

Stacy Duplease
Journalkeeper & Author

The Remembering Your Present Journal Keeping Series

Email: storykeeper2121@gmail.com

Bookstore: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/hisfiction

dba Remembering Your Present, LLC & Storykeeper 2121

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease. 2010.)

Journaling through the tough stuff of life: A Journaling Exercise

I do not know about you, but I've been in a funk ever since I heard about the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shootings in Newtown, Connecticut. I've been in mourning and grieving for family I do not know. I count them as family because we live in the same country, the USA. (We are supposed to be united, after all.) 

You also might have noticed how I have received pinpointed point-of-view--where I have analyzed my life, along with that of our nation. (That will be talked more about on a later day.) But, I also haven't talked much about journaling. Sure. I took some time off to do nothing but pray and journal. But, I haven't talked much about how to journal or how to journal through, most importantly, hard and unfathomable times like this. 

What do you do when something so awful and nightmarish happened that you do not have the words, let alone the comprehension of the situation? How do you handle when the unspeakable happens? How do you handle when real-life is worse than the stuff in nightmares?

How do you handle the tough stuff of life? 

The answer is simple: You journal.

I am sure you noticed that was my first inclination after I received the news about Sandy Hook. I immediately went to my blog and said I was shutting down to pray and journal for the day.

That is precisely what I did. 

And that is what I did all day and night Friday. 

The weekend was full of stuff to do. But, the radio was on all the time, playing in the background. I was in a funk all weekend, needless to say. And it carried through yesterday as well. Yesterday was another day for me to journal and try to process what happened, my reaction to it, and what it meant in my life. 

Yesterday, I kept flashing back to Shar's shooting when she was murdered. I also kept thinking of Columbine--and the students I knew who were there that day. I also cannot help but think of the Memorial Service of Columbine--and that of Shar's. Then, that reminds me of the Aurora Movie Theater Shooting. My husband and I spend two weeks back home in Colorado and were by that theater three times or more. I even knew a couple fo people who were going to go see the movie that night, but didn't go. 

Flashbacks. The sense of loss. Mourning. Praying. Trying to find my way.

Today, I am coming out of the funk. I am no longer just going through the motions. I am coming back to life. But, I still realize I have a lot of journaling to do. A lot, a lot, a lot. A lot. 

So, how do you journal through the tough stuff of life?

JOURNALING THROUGH THE TOUGH STUFF OF LIFE

When the unthinkable, unspeakable happens, first turn to God in prayer. Then, turn to God and pray in your journal, if you are a Christian. If you are not, turn to your journal anyway and do whatever spiritual thing that brings you comfort. 

How do you do this?

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

1 Grab your journal.

2 Write the time and date. 

3 Write what happened.

4 Throw-up on paper. Write everything, and I mean EVERY thing, that comes to mind. Put all the ugly stuff you have boiling up inside. Put it on the page so it doesn't have to spill forth on anything or anyone else. Get it out. Do this as long as it takes. Take minutes to hours to days to weeks or even months. Just make sure to get it all out and capture it on the page. 

How do you know when you get it all out? You don't feel like crying, smashing something, or yelling. You get to the point where you have a sense of peace--where you surely do not understand anything, but you can think clearly again. Keep throwing-up on paper until you get to this point. And, make sure to throw-up on paper again later if you feel like crying, smashing something, or yelling. 

5 When you come to the point that you feel a sense of peace and can think again, move to this step. Ask yourself what got to you so much? What caused the reaction in your? How did this impact you and why? Is there something you need to deal with? Did something from your past rise up and demand attention? Were you reminded of something? Spend a lot of time on this as wlel. Make sure to do lots of SOC (Stream of Consciousness) Journaling -where you write anything and everything that comes to mind. 

6 What emotions did you feel or are you feeling?

7 What keeps running through your mind?

8 What do you want to do in response? 

9 What should you do in response?

10 How has your life been changed because of this event?

11 What lessons have you learned?

12 What has God said to you through all of this?

13 What have you said to God? 

14 How can you help others through this--or a situation like this--now and/or later? 

15 What does this mean for your life in the future? How does this change things for you? 

16 Write a summary. 

17 Anything else you want to journal about regarding this situation. 

Do all of that and you will start to heal. 

~ Stacy Duplease

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease.)

Senselessness

I know firsthand what it is like to have your family become national news. I also know what it's like to make national news because a loved one was shot and killed by evil. I also know what it's like to experience this before Christmas. 09 December 1998 is a date I will never forget. Those three things happened to my family on 09 December 1998. 

So, you see, Sandy Hook is terrible as it is. But, when you can relate to what they are going through (while not exactly because they are different incidents and we all grieve differently), it makes it even more personal.

What happened at Sandy Hook is the nightmare of nightmares. It shows the depravity of mankind and the power of evil. 

I know what it's like to question why--and to realize the answers will never come in this life. One day, though, if we make it to eternity and heaven, things will make more sense then. But, not until then. 

All the other questions play with your mind and plague you. 

The stupid things people do and say. "Time heals all wounds " is my personal favorite (not!). Looking back at Shar's death 14 years later, after Sandy Hook, the pain is just as raw and fresh as it was then. I just know how to deal with it differently now. My coping mechanisms have improved since that terrible day. I guess you could say that the pain has become a companion and friend, not an enemy.

I no longer fight the pain. I know to acknowledge it, feel it, and consciously work through it now. It's a skill I've learned since then.

Christmas is difficult afterward such a senseless tragedy, I will not lie. But, it's become even more meaningful to me. I know what it's like to lose someone you care for before Christmas. Murder makes it more difficult. But, it sure makes you hold onto who you have, what you have, and where you are--once you sort through the pain for a bit. 

That is why I am spending this week in mourning. It's because I know, somewhat, what the friends, families, and victims of the Sandy Hook Shooting are going through. It, too, has stirred up my own stuff. I will walk with them through their pain--because I know. I really do. 

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

What has the Sandy Hook Shootings stirred up in your own life? (After all, you do not have to experience something personally to imagine the pain someone else goes through--and this can stir up stuff in your own life.) 

~ Stacy Duplease

(Image Credit: Microsoft Images Online.) 

Forever Changed, Always Remembered

There are dates, remembrances, experiences, and memories that are permanently stamped in my life. I do not know about you. Friday, 14 December 2012 is another one in my life. This was the day of Sandy Hook.

There are also times when you know your life is forever changed because of that moment--and it will always be remembered. 

The Sandy Hook Elementary school Shooting and Massacre is another one of this times. 

The children, and adults who died, are forever stamped in my heart. I will not forget them. Ever. 

This week will be a week spent in mourning of them--and remembering them. I refuse to go around or be happy-go-lucky, joy-joy-joy because it's the week before Christmas. Celebration of the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ, is next week. Not this week. 

There are parents who will never see their children again. Spouses who no longer have their loved one by their side. Families and friends are experiencing loss. This makes my heart ache. 

I want the loved ones of those lost on Friday--and of those who experienced the shootings--to know that I refuse to let them walk this alone. I may not know them, but they are souls. They are my fellow Americans--and that makes them family. 

How can we celebrate and pretend like nothing happened? Is it just because it didn't happen to us, if we do? If so, we are far worse than I knew as a nation. 

Again, it amazes me how few blogs have stopped and mourned what happened. How can this be? When did we become some cold and calloused? When did we become so uncaring? 

I refuse to be glued to the TV. I will mourn in my own way. 

I refuse to live in denial and carry on like nothing has happened. It has. 

My blog posts this week will focus on dealing with loss, mourning/grieving, and how it changes us (or at least it should). 

This week will be a heavy week. But, it will make us appreciate even more why Jesus Christ was born and what He did for us--next week. 

On Friday, I heard a wise quote that I am going to live by from now on:

Silence is the enemy of healing. 

That is why this week will be a week of journaling about loss and how loss shapes and transforms our lives. 

Silence is the enemy of healing. 

How profound. 

That quote stopped my in my tracks, so to speak. 

I refuse to be silent. I want to heal. I want to help others heal as well.

Is this our problem in the USA? Have we been silent for too long? Have we been so silent, we haven't healed? 

Let's not be silent. Let us do more journaling than we ever have in our lives this week. Let us stop our silence--and do so on the page. 

Sandy Hook, you are remembered. We have been forever changed because of what happened to you. We want to support you and we mourn your loss. While we cannot imagine what you are going through, we are here for you. We refuse to go on like nothing happened. We will remember. We will not allow any of this to be in vain. We will mourn with you and remember every 14 December from now on. God bless you. 

~ Stacy Duplease

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease. 2012.)