What is the most important thing I need to, and want to, share about Kara? Her story? About her being in our lives?
What is the most important thing about Kara?
What is the most important thing that should be told about Kara?
She lived.
That's the answer, I think. Is anything else more important about her than that?
I just don't have think so.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
This Blog is My Writing Notebook
There should blog is my writing notebook. It is what I'm using to write Kara's story and I will use this to journal and get my thoughts down on the page. This is where I will get it all down on the page and I hope to make my mistakes here. I also hope to make it count.
No Words
Now that I have committed to writing "Moments with Kara," I have lost the words. I am not sure what to say.
Is it because this is the most important story I have ever told or needed to tell?
Is it because it means so much?
Is it because it is a story people need to hear?
Is it because my husband and Kara's vet think I need to tell Kara's story?
Am I putting too much pressure on myself?
Is it because no one, other than my husband, has left footprints in my heart like she did? {And she was a cat.}
I have never suffered from writer's block like this and this is the time I really cannot afford to find it difficult to put words on the page.
{Lord, give me the words.}
Is it because this is the most important story I have ever told or needed to tell?
Is it because it means so much?
Is it because it is a story people need to hear?
Is it because my husband and Kara's vet think I need to tell Kara's story?
Am I putting too much pressure on myself?
Is it because no one, other than my husband, has left footprints in my heart like she did? {And she was a cat.}
I have never suffered from writer's block like this and this is the time I really cannot afford to find it difficult to put words on the page.
{Lord, give me the words.}
Small Cat, Huge Hole
Kara went Home fifteen days ago.
I still miss her terribly and my heart still aches for her. I'm not sure if this will ever stop. She was our earthbound angel. Our Little Love.
How can someone so small leave such a huge hole in a heart?
I still miss her terribly and my heart still aches for her. I'm not sure if this will ever stop. She was our earthbound angel. Our Little Love.
How can someone so small leave such a huge hole in a heart?
Another Memories List of Moments with Kara
Sinan and the mouse, then Kara and the mouse.
Driving across country.
Driving to Cheyenne.
Chicken.
How she not my thumb, thinking it was chicken.
The red cinnamon tint to her fur when in the sunlight.
Her black skid mark under her chin.
Her half smile marking on the side of her mouth.
In your face when begging.
Didn't play usually.
Rubberbands.
White whiskers, white eyebrows.
How when she meowed her ears went flat.
Tunnel.
Sleeping on plastic and electric things, plus my comb binding machine.
Hurt hind quarters.
Easy to get in the garage after I was concerned.
When she first saw me with a towel on my head.
How she liked my scents.
How she used to do obstacle courses to get from one piece of furniture to another.
How she caught Sinan in her box.
How she caught Sinan in her food.
How Sinan jumped in our bed on top of her when she was sleeping and she let him have it.
How she never understood Sinan wanted to play and not hurt her.
She loved to curl up on top of cardboard or corregated boxes.
How she made me take breaks when I worked and wrote.
She knew we protected her from Sinan.
Kitty crossed-paws.
How she slept on my side of the bed.
Collecting urine.
Never had to be trained with cat box.
How she was so resilient.
Driving across country.
Driving to Cheyenne.
Chicken.
How she not my thumb, thinking it was chicken.
The red cinnamon tint to her fur when in the sunlight.
Her black skid mark under her chin.
Her half smile marking on the side of her mouth.
In your face when begging.
Didn't play usually.
Rubberbands.
White whiskers, white eyebrows.
How when she meowed her ears went flat.
Tunnel.
Sleeping on plastic and electric things, plus my comb binding machine.
Hurt hind quarters.
Easy to get in the garage after I was concerned.
When she first saw me with a towel on my head.
How she liked my scents.
How she used to do obstacle courses to get from one piece of furniture to another.
How she caught Sinan in her box.
How she caught Sinan in her food.
How Sinan jumped in our bed on top of her when she was sleeping and she let him have it.
How she never understood Sinan wanted to play and not hurt her.
She loved to curl up on top of cardboard or corregated boxes.
How she made me take breaks when I worked and wrote.
She knew we protected her from Sinan.
Kitty crossed-paws.
How she slept on my side of the bed.
Collecting urine.
Never had to be trained with cat box.
How she was so resilient.
Memories List of Moments with Kara
How she would get to her feet when she saw you or when you woke her.
How she looked at us like she absolutely adored us.
How she meowed and purred quite loudly since she was deaf and couldn't hear herself.
How she had a white dot on the tip of her black tail.
Purr.
Her unique meow. Hum into meow. Crescendo.
Rapid fire pawing door with her softpaws until the door opened.
Her gait... Her belly and her feet.
Whiskers forward when rubbing her chin... and in new situations.
Belly flop.
Uneven ears.
Boxing Sinan.
Tunnel.
Didn't like her bed at first.
Sleeping on our pajama bottoms, which were sweat pants.
Bringing her into the house in slow stages.
How she almost had a tile dropped on her head and didn't hear it.
Car sickness.
She leaned to the left when Bob pet her head. Puffy cheeks.
How we thought she was a kitten at first.
Running before she's awake to get to food and trying to fall over as she tried to get her feet under her.
Little beggar.
Sleeping on my purse.
Lying on my tablet sleeves and on our bags and on my laptop.
Drinking out of my water glass.
Footsteps all over the place for her.
Lying on our chests in bed.
How Zack was with her.
Dickies cups
Tea
Sleeping on our bed.
Every morning she came I to the bathroom with me.
She loved looking out doors and windows, just to see, and not to go out.
She in our guest bedroom.
Paw in the air when sleeping.
Ears above her bed.
Thyroid medicine.
Pain meds.
Travel sickness meds.
Screaming at Sinan. And growling.
How she looked at us like she absolutely adored us.
How she meowed and purred quite loudly since she was deaf and couldn't hear herself.
How she had a white dot on the tip of her black tail.
Purr.
Her unique meow. Hum into meow. Crescendo.
Rapid fire pawing door with her softpaws until the door opened.
Her gait... Her belly and her feet.
Whiskers forward when rubbing her chin... and in new situations.
Belly flop.
Uneven ears.
Boxing Sinan.
Tunnel.
Didn't like her bed at first.
Sleeping on our pajama bottoms, which were sweat pants.
Bringing her into the house in slow stages.
How she almost had a tile dropped on her head and didn't hear it.
Car sickness.
She leaned to the left when Bob pet her head. Puffy cheeks.
How we thought she was a kitten at first.
Running before she's awake to get to food and trying to fall over as she tried to get her feet under her.
Little beggar.
Sleeping on my purse.
Lying on my tablet sleeves and on our bags and on my laptop.
Drinking out of my water glass.
Footsteps all over the place for her.
Lying on our chests in bed.
How Zack was with her.
Dickies cups
Tea
Sleeping on our bed.
Every morning she came I to the bathroom with me.
She loved looking out doors and windows, just to see, and not to go out.
She in our guest bedroom.
Paw in the air when sleeping.
Ears above her bed.
Thyroid medicine.
Pain meds.
Travel sickness meds.
Screaming at Sinan. And growling.
Critter Induced Make-You-Worried Moments
Since I last wrote in this journal, and just in the last week, we've dealt with some moments that would make us concerned on a normal day. However, with just having to put Kara to sleep, we are extra sensitive... and when I say we, I really mean me...
First, Sinan found me in my study sitting at my table journaling and he gave a huge meow. I jumped. Then, I started to chuckle as my gaze went to the floor and toward the Orange Maine Coon cat.
Sinan had his eyes held shut and he tried to open them, but was squinty instead. My chuckle stopped. "Are you okay?"
He tried to open his eyes again. He couldn't.
My heart started to pound. "What did you get into?" I asked him as I reached for a tissue I dunked in my glass of water and wiped his eyes. He didn't fight me at all, which was the next sign and told me he was feeling miserable. Usually he would try to pull away and remind me how he doesn't like humans grooming him in any way.
"Does that help?"
He was able to open his eyes a little for a moment and then did the squinting thing once again.
My heart stopped for when raced as I thought about what you did for humans under these circumstances. You wash your/their eyes in an eye cup or in any cup. How could you do that with a cat? Or a baby? I wondered and that's had me thinking.
I grabbed another tissue, drenched it with water, and wiped his eyes again. Then, I threw away the tissue and got a new one I repeated this several times. He seemed better when I finished up my wiping/washing and he headed toward our bedroom. I followed him and watched him for a few and then headed back to my study. A little while again, he found me again and meowed and we repeated the process, but with cotton balls rather than tissue.
Was he okay?
I tested my husband, a little freaked out, and we put it together that I had the laundry room door open and was in the process of doing laundry. We figured out the lent got to him when he walked in the room, and he had an allergic reaction. He was better, but I wiped his eyes a few more times, and so did my husband, before we went to bed and when we woke up the next morning, he acted fine. {Thank the Lord. Phew.}
Now, for incident number two. My mom's cat disappeared for about five hours and she let me know. Her cat did the disappear in plain sight thing and wondered why my mom was so concerned. Sigh. {Cats! Eye roll, head shake.}
Then, our almost 16 year old Beagle, Zack, has had a cough because of allergies since June. It's been getting progressively worse and led to five nights in a row of our interrupted sleep. Then, two nights ago, he coughed for about an hour straight and had us both concerned. We kept wondering if we needed to call pet urgent care, take him to CSU, or what. Not again with breathing issues. That's what led us to putting Kara to sleep. Now, it was Zack!
He calmed down, though, and a couple of hours later when the vet clinic opened, we called and got him in for an urgent care appointment. It ended up being allergies and now the three of us are on the same allergy medicine.
Three instances where critters brought concern, but it all turned out alright, thank the Lord. Phew. What blessings.
First, Sinan found me in my study sitting at my table journaling and he gave a huge meow. I jumped. Then, I started to chuckle as my gaze went to the floor and toward the Orange Maine Coon cat.
Sinan had his eyes held shut and he tried to open them, but was squinty instead. My chuckle stopped. "Are you okay?"
He tried to open his eyes again. He couldn't.
My heart started to pound. "What did you get into?" I asked him as I reached for a tissue I dunked in my glass of water and wiped his eyes. He didn't fight me at all, which was the next sign and told me he was feeling miserable. Usually he would try to pull away and remind me how he doesn't like humans grooming him in any way.
"Does that help?"
He was able to open his eyes a little for a moment and then did the squinting thing once again.
My heart stopped for when raced as I thought about what you did for humans under these circumstances. You wash your/their eyes in an eye cup or in any cup. How could you do that with a cat? Or a baby? I wondered and that's had me thinking.
I grabbed another tissue, drenched it with water, and wiped his eyes again. Then, I threw away the tissue and got a new one I repeated this several times. He seemed better when I finished up my wiping/washing and he headed toward our bedroom. I followed him and watched him for a few and then headed back to my study. A little while again, he found me again and meowed and we repeated the process, but with cotton balls rather than tissue.
Was he okay?
I tested my husband, a little freaked out, and we put it together that I had the laundry room door open and was in the process of doing laundry. We figured out the lent got to him when he walked in the room, and he had an allergic reaction. He was better, but I wiped his eyes a few more times, and so did my husband, before we went to bed and when we woke up the next morning, he acted fine. {Thank the Lord. Phew.}
Now, for incident number two. My mom's cat disappeared for about five hours and she let me know. Her cat did the disappear in plain sight thing and wondered why my mom was so concerned. Sigh. {Cats! Eye roll, head shake.}
Then, our almost 16 year old Beagle, Zack, has had a cough because of allergies since June. It's been getting progressively worse and led to five nights in a row of our interrupted sleep. Then, two nights ago, he coughed for about an hour straight and had us both concerned. We kept wondering if we needed to call pet urgent care, take him to CSU, or what. Not again with breathing issues. That's what led us to putting Kara to sleep. Now, it was Zack!
He calmed down, though, and a couple of hours later when the vet clinic opened, we called and got him in for an urgent care appointment. It ended up being allergies and now the three of us are on the same allergy medicine.
Three instances where critters brought concern, but it all turned out alright, thank the Lord. Phew. What blessings.
Time and Space Needed
I hadn't realized how desperately I need died a little time and space from this story, but I did. It was too close and painful. Space and time were needed.
I tried to turn her story into a fantasy series, but that quickly backfired and now I think I am ready to commit to writing Kara's story and Moments with Kara... her story with us and our story with her. I will commit to writing at least 12,000 words per week between now and the end of November, then 7,000 words per week. I will take part in NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month or NaNo}, but will write nonfiction instead and an inspirational animal lover's memoir. Needless to say, I hope to write around 71,000 words at least between now and the end of December.
I needed time and space to heal so I could do her story justice and not fall apart. Kara deserves no less.
I tried to turn her story into a fantasy series, but that quickly backfired and now I think I am ready to commit to writing Kara's story and Moments with Kara... her story with us and our story with her. I will commit to writing at least 12,000 words per week between now and the end of November, then 7,000 words per week. I will take part in NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month or NaNo}, but will write nonfiction instead and an inspirational animal lover's memoir. Needless to say, I hope to write around 71,000 words at least between now and the end of December.
I needed time and space to heal so I could do her story justice and not fall apart. Kara deserves no less.
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