The Dreaded Call, Emails, and Experiences

912 a.m.
I just got a call... Kara's remains are ready to be picked up from the crematorium.
Ouch.
Talk about being a mess after that call. I am a sobbing and sad lady... which makes me think of our nickname of Lady Kara and that only adds to the ouch.
Lord, have mercy.
Oh, Lord...
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0930 a.m.
I sent Bob an email... a copy of my previous journal entry about the crematorium. Knowing he is at work I said in the email subject line: "Warning: Painful email. Open when in private," or something to that effect.
I had to warn him. It will be tough for him to read.
I cannot believe any of this is in our lexicon or in our experience database now.
I also saved the crematorium's contact information since we have four other critters... (I shudder at the thought, but realize I need to be prepared. Things happen, after all.)
///
1158 a.m.
Bob came home and we went out to force down a bite to eat. We don't feel like cooking and nothing sounds good. Neither one of us are anything prior to then. We're just too sad.
He's doing some work from home now and will head back to work for a couple of hours in a while and I will attempt to start to write Kara's story, past, present, and future.
How do you even begin such a tale?
I have been a journal keeper for over thirty-two years and have no idea what to say or write. I am blank.
Earlier, as a matter of fact, I sat here on my sofa... Not in my study. Not upstairs. I am avoiding upstairs today, except for laundry, since upstairs was her main domain. She went back and forth between our bedroom, the guest bedroom, and the study. Therefore, upstairs is particularly painful. I determined earlier I would avoid upstairs today and just get used to being home alone an entire day without Kara or my husband. Then, starting tomorrow, I would go up there for a while at least as I try to get used to her not being here with me.
Sinan this morning stayed constantly within eyesight and snuggled a great deal more than usual. He took care of me and I think he sought comfort from me. So, I wasn't entirely alone. I was just without Kara and Bob. I still had the company of Zack, Sinan, Shelly, and Harry. {Thank the Lord.}
Since Bob came home for a while, I will most likely not try to journal upstairs until Thursday. While Bob is at work, I will try to tell some of the stories of our moments with Kara.