Here it is Wednesday--and is day four since Kara went to sleep.
It's the first day I dare to come upstairs to my study to pray and journal. I just sat here and am fighting the lump in my throat as I realize how it is time to make the new memories as I make the shift in my mind and heart--where Kara moves from her constant presence and purr to just the memories thereof.
She lied on the table/desk I have here last Friday for the last time. We loved on one another. She purred and I pet. I even had the foresight to take an audio recording of her purr. I didn't take any pictures, but I had the last few days prior. We had that one last moment. I had her constant presence and purr over the last year as I prayed and journaled in my study in Virginia and now here in our forever home of Cheyenne. She always insisted on me taking the appropriate breaks to love on her. And, if she didn't, if I needed to grab more coffee or a snack, or whatever, I would go see her.
Now, I don't have that.
The photo on my private journal blog of my/our Moments with Kara is an example of what she would do. It was taken in the last week. Last Tuesday, as a matter of fact.
Now... rather than Little Bit being there, there is a flameless LED tealight candle shining in remembrance of her. She was definitely the light in our lives this last year... Even dealing with cancer times two. The quality of life she had was off the charts--and she knew it. She found love. We don't think she ever knew love before and what it meant to give it and receive it--unconditionally and completely.
The candle represents her forever presence in my life. It reminds me of the millions upon trillions of blessings she brought.
Rather than mourn her as I pray and journal, I will try to count all of the blessings.
I will try to remember every moment, every lesson she taught, everything she brought us. And, I will try to picture her as the cat she is in heaven--free, whole, full of life, experiencing the love and grace of our Lord. She is running, leaping, pouncing in streets of gold and in the heavenly prairie. She is curling up on the Lord's lap, purring and enjoying life as it is supposed to be--cancer free. And, she can hear the voice of the Lord. She can hear for the first time.
I will count my blessings of her--then, now, and in the future. I will learn how to love like she, how to be strong, and how to look at the Lord and respond to Him.
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